My abusive and controlling partner keeps on cheating and now she’s pregnant with our child – The Sun

DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner and I have great sex but she has sex with other guys so often they phone her in the ­middle of the night to arrange it.

I’m reaching the end of the road with her. The trouble is, I can’t just walk away because she’s expecting my child.

I totally fell for her when we met nearly three years ago but she is incapable of staying faithful. We broke up but I do love her and now we’re back living together. I’m 32 and she’s 29.

She drinks a lot, screams at me and is very jealous and controlling.

She goes out, gets hammered then goes with any man around. She admits herself that she is a bitch but says she can’t control her behaviour.

She had a terrible childhood with an alcoholic dad and it has left scars. It makes me feel sorry for her.

I knew that she longed for a child and, although I had my doubts, I agreed to try for a baby with her. When she fell pregnant we were both over the moon.

She’s expecting a son. But she’s become even more abusive since. She blamed her pregnancy hormones at first but bragged that I’d have to stay now whatever she did as she’d abort the baby if I left.

She often locked me out of the house and one night the neighbours called the police.
They advised me to leave and get on with my life.

I lived in peace for a while on my own but then she accused me of doing all the things she’d done to me. I had to challenge that in court or face being deprived of parental rights of my child who is due very soon. The court agreed that it was me, not her, who was the victim of domestic abuse.

I could apply for a non-molestation order against her but I thought that wouldn’t be good for her or our baby so I’ve left it on condition that we attend counselling together and the abusive behaviour ends.

I know we need to talk but she is still seeing other men and we haven’t had any counselling.


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Parents have even given their teenage daughters breast implants as a birthday present.

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DEIDRE SAYS: I am afraid you are fooling yourself that talking is the answer.

That only works when the person you’re dealing with is rational and self-aware, willing to take responsibility and find solutions. Sadly, your partner is too badly damaged for that.

It isn’t her fault that she suffered terrible abuse when she was younger but that doesn’t mean she can easily change, and your baby is likely to be seriously damaged by living with such a volatile and inconsistent parent.

Don’t let your caring nature prevent you from seeing that your partner is dangerously abusive. Your child’s needs must come first – or the chain of abuse may carry on down the line.

You need to take legal steps now to protect your unborn baby. Get urgent advice from Families Need Fathers (, 0300 0300 363).

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