CHRISSY Teigen opened up about losing her son Jack in an honest and eye-opening essay.
The model and her husband, John Legend revealed the tragic news on social media September 30.
The 34-year-old took to the online publishing platform Medium to speak out as she started: "I had no idea when I would be ready to write this. Part of me thought it would be early on, when I was still really feeling the pain of what happened.
"I thought I would sit in the corner of my bedroom with the lights dimmed, just rolling off my thoughts. I’d have a glass of red wine, cozy up with a blanket, and finally get the chance to address 'what happened.'"
Chrissy then touched on the support she's received as "each been read with our own teary eyes."
The TV personality also recalled all that went down during her stay at the hospital, especially after learning that her newborn wouldn't make it as the "doctors diagnosed me with partial placenta abruption."
She recalled: "After a couple nights at the hospital, my doctor told me exactly what I knew was coming — it was time to say goodbye. He just wouldn’t survive this, and if it went on any longer, I might not either.
"We had tried bags and bags of blood transfusions, every single one going right through me like we hadn’t done anything at all. Late one night, I was told it would be time to let go in the morning. I cried a little at first, then went into full blown convulsions of snot and tears, my breath not able to catch up with my own incredibly deep sadness.
"Even as I write this now, I can feel the pain all over again. Oxygen was placed over my nose and mouth, and that was the first picture you saw. Utter and complete sadness."
While the pair was criticized for sharing their personal moment on social media, Chrissy explained her reasoning: "I had asked my mom and John to take pictures, no matter how uncomfortable it was. I explained to a very hesitant John that I needed them, and that I did NOT want to have to ever ask.
"That he just had to do it. He hated it. I could tell. It didn’t make sense to him at the time. But I knew I needed to know of this moment forever, the same way I needed to remember us kissing at the end of the aisle, the same way I needed to remember our tears of joy after Luna and Miles. And I absolutely knew I needed to share this story.
Chrissy and John, 41, share two kids, daughter Luna, four, and son Miles, two.
Chrissy later added: "People say an experience like this creates a hole in your heart. A hole was certainly made, but it was filled with the love of something I loved so much. It doesn’t feel empty, this space. It feels full.
"Maybe too bursting full, actually. I find myself randomly crying, thinking about how happy I am to have two insanely wonderful little toddlers who fill this house with love. I smother them with love while they 'Moooooooom!!!!!' me. I don’t care."
Wrapping it up, Chrissy wrote: "I wrote this because I knew for me I needed to say something before I could move on from this and return back to life, so I truly thank you for allowing me to do so.
"Jack will always be loved, explained to our kids as existing in the wind and trees and the butterflies they see. Thank you so much to every single person who has had us in their thoughts or gone as far as to send us your love and stories. We are so incredibly lucky."
In a post last month, accompanied by a series of heart-rending black and white photos of her grieving in hospital, Chrissy wrote: "We are shocked and in the kind of deep pain you only hear about, the kind of pain we’ve never felt before.
"We were never able to stop the bleeding and give our baby the fluids he needed, despite bags and bags of blood transfusions. It just wasn’t enough."
Soon after, the All of Me singer would dedicate a performance to Chrissy during the Billboard Music Awards.
He said: "This is for Chrissy," and belted out the emotional lyrics, which included: "I'm not worried about us and I've never been. We know how the story ends. We will never break."
Prior to Chrissy's heartbreaking essay, she and John had kept a fairly low profile after the tragedy as they were spotted weeks later together running errands.
Source: Read Full Article