DEAR DEIDRE: EVERY man in my life has abandoned or betrayed me, and it’s making it impossible to trust my new partner.
We’ve been together for a year and I love him and his son. But I am finding it hard to believe this will last.
I’m 29, he is 35 and his son by his ex is three.
He’s a kind, loving man and a wonderful father to his son. He also has a good relationship with his ex.
Life should be perfect. But I can’t be happy.
I keep expecting him to hurt me. My dad left my mum when I was just eight, and he never contacted me again – not even to send a birthday or Christmas card.
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Although my mother tried to make up for it, I never got over it. As an adult, I’ve been cheated on.
It feels like I don’t deserve happiness and it’s only a matter of time before my partner turns around and hurts me too.
How do I let go of the past and stop being so insecure?
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DEIDRE SAYS: Given the way you’ve been treated, it’s not surprising your self-defence mechanism kicks in and stops you feeling secure, even in a good relationship.
You believe history will repeat itself. You may even have unconsciously fallen for bad men in the past because that’s what you, wrongly, feel you deserve.
Try to break this habit, with the right help. Counselling would allow you to work through your feelings and develop healthier patterns of thinking.
My support pack, Counselling, will tell you how to access this.
Talk to your partner and ask for his support so you can work on this together and strengthen your relationship.
Get in touch with Deidre
Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
Send an email to [email protected]
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.
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