A MUM whose newborn son died after she fell asleep while feeding him in her bed has told how she blamed herself for the terrible tragedy.
Laurie Woodruff, 28, from Sheffield, lost baby Arthur to sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) when he was just seven weeks old.
Laurie woke to find his lifeless body had slipped off her chest and his head was under her arm, sparking fear that she had caused her little boy’s death.
Despite a post-mortem revealing there were no signs that she had laid on Arthur in the night, Laurie continued to blame herself and remained consumed by guilt and grief.
She was prescribed antidepressants and started counselling, and a year later Laurie launched a business offering grief counselling to other mums who had lost their children.
Laurie said: “I don't think I will ever fully recover from losing Arthur. I loved him so much.
“But helping others find a way through the hardest part of their lives means in many ways my precious little boy will never be forgotten.”
Laurie told how her pregnancy had come as a shock, but she and her partner of five years Ian were “ecstatically happy”.
At 38 weeks, a scan revealed her baby wasn't growing as fast as he should be, so she was rushed down to theatre for an emergency Caesarean.
“I was terrified something was wrong,” Laurie recalled.
“But not long afterwards I heard his first cry. He sounded like a little mouse.
“At 5lb 3oz, Arthur was very petite, and apart from a minor infection, he was perfectly healthy.”
Laurie was allowed to take Arthur home when he was five days old.
She explained: “It was quite daunting. He'd dropped to under 4lbs and was so tiny. I just wanted to be the best mum possible.
“He adored being cuddled and would fall asleep snuggled up on my chest after I'd breast-fed him.
“If I tried to put him in his Moses basket he would cry. I didn't have the heart to unsettle him, so would just prop myself up on my bed and let him sleep next to me or on my chest.
“It was exhausting though, so Mum would come and stay a few nights a weeks to begin with to help me, and Ian visited every day.”
Arthur continued to become fractious during the night, and the only thing that would settle him was lying with his mum.
Laurie said: “Mum warned me to be careful, as he was still only tiny.
“But to me, having Arthur next to me was the most natural thing in the world.
“I was convinced that my motherly instinct would let me know if anything was wrong.
"And I always kept a gap between us to prevent me suffocating him.”
In February 2015, as the weather turned colder, Laurie told how Arthur seemed to want even more cuddles than normal.
She said: “Whenever I put him down he would cry relentlessly until I held him again.
“Exhausted that night, we went to bed at about 8pm. Arthur felt slightly cold, so I flicked on the electric heater next to my bed.
“Over-tired, I must have fallen asleep while Arthur was still feeding.
“Sometime during the night, I woke up briefly. Arthur was still snuggled up on me but his face felt cold, so in a daze I flicked the heater back on, before dropping back off.
“It was 5am when I next stirred. Arthur had slipped off my chest and his head was under my arm.
“Suddenly I was wide awake. As I jumped up, I realised he was cold and the side of his body had gone purple. And in that split second, I knew Arthur had died.”
Laurie called 999 and the operator talked her through giving Arthur mouth to mouth, but she knew it was too late.
She recalled: “There was blood trickling out of his nose and his little body was lifeless.
“Hysterical, I clung on to him, praying I was in the middle of a very bad dream and would wake up any minute.
“Paramedics arrived minutes later – they tried their best to save Arthur, but he had already gone.”
At Sheffield Children's Hospital, Laurie explained to police how she’d fallen asleep with Arthur.
She said: “Guilt soared through me. I should have protected Arthur – I'd failed him in the worst possible way.
“The days that followed were torture. The harrowing images of Arthur lying next to me continually flashed before me.
“I had to give a full statement to the police and they took away all my bed sheets.”
Despite the results of the post-mortem, Laurie couldn’t help but question whether things might have been different if he’d have been in his Moses basket.
She told how the day of his funeral was “torture”, adding: “I struggled to accept I would never see my beautiful little boy again.
“Afterwards, consumed with grief, I battled to get through each day. I could barely get up and nothing felt real anymore.
“At night I would cling to Arthur's toys so I could smell his scent and during the day, I would sit in his bedroom for hours, unable to change a thing.
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“I flicked through his photos constantly, terrified I would forget what he looked like.
“Ian never once blamed me, repeatedly telling me that for some reason Arthur wasn't meant for this world.”
After a year, Laurie found the courage to empty Arthur's room and turned it into an office.
She said: “I knew I had to do something positive in his name. I couldn't let his death be in vain.
“I decided to use my psycho-therapy training to set up a company, and as I counselled other mums, it helped me too.
“I slowly came to terms with losing my son, and didn't blame myself quite as much.
“I’ve since had another son, Henry. He will never replace Arthur, but he definitely helping heal some of the scars.”
Laurie is offering a free counselling session to any mum who has lost a child. For more information visit www.lauriearthur.co.uk.
Earlier this year we revealed how to put your baby to sleep to lower the risk of cot death, according to a charity.
We also reported a heartbroken mum’s warning after her seven-month-old son died from SIDS despite her following all parental advice.
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