A career-driven woman who “forgot to have children” is finally having the family she has dreamed of thanks to her friend.
Lisa Messenger suffered a miscarriage, a failed adoption, and 16 rounds of IVF – setting her back $500,000 AUD (£265,800).
After eight years of Lisa trying and failing to start her family, best friend and mum of three Sarah Megginson offered to be their surrogate – and now their baby is due next month (July).
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Lisa, founder and Editor-in-Chief of multimedia brand Collective Hub met Sarah more than 12 years ago through work and became close friends soon after.
Sarah first offered Lisa the use of her uterus in 2018 after hearing that Lisa and her husband Stevan’s IVF journey hadn’t been successful.
Initially, Lisa said “thanks but no thanks” to the offer, determined to carry her own child. But she now says she couldn’t imagine bringing her child into the world any other way.
And Sarah joked she is just “babysitting” for nine months until the little boy's birth.
Speaking to Mamamia's No Filter podcast, Lisa explained: “It sounds so naive and so stupid really, I just was so busy achieving and thought my definition of success was doing more and being more and achieving more – that has certainly changed and I have reprioritised now.
“I think I just then forgot about having children and by the time I decided that I really wanted children, which was eight years ago now, there were a whole load of issues. I think for someone who prides myself on being street smart, in hindsight, I think ‘that was so naive’.”
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Lisa explains that eight years ago she suffered a miscarriage while with her former partner, and that experience is what ignited her mothering instinct and need to have a family.
She added: “Then the following year, I was single but I was like ‘I’m going to do this’ so I went through two rounds of IVF.
“I’m a problem solver, I find solutions to pretty much everything but when you’re in it and you’re like ‘I am broken, this is not working’.
“I worked out I had injected myself about 480 times, at one point I was taking 90 tablets a day through a Chinese medicine person […], I was also doing acupuncture three times a week, doing poo samples and sending them to American – you name it we did it and still nothing was working and that is excruciatingly painful”.
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Lisa has now spent upwards of half a million Australian Dollars and has even sold her home to fund her journey, but she acknowledges that this is a privilege that many people can’t afford.
She has gone through 16 rounds of IVF, none of which developed into a pregnancy, and surrogate Sarah has gone through two – and is currently nearing the end of the pregnancy.
Speaking on the podcast, Sarah explained that fertility had always been easy for her. She and her husband wanted kids and got pregnant, so it felt unfair some people struggled.
She said: “When I was pregnant with my son, who is now 7.5 years old, I remember saying to my husband ‘I could be a surrogate for someone’. It was a discussion I had had with my husband over time, not with anyone specific in mind.
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“I had never offered to be a surrogate to anyone, other than Lisa. When we started to seriously talk about it any objection that came up, what if I’m going to be really tired, what if I don’t have energy for my kids, all of that just paled in comparison.
“I was like ‘My uterus works if you want it’ let's try”.
The pair revealed that they and their partners have all gone through therapy to mentally prepare for the incredible journey they’re taking.
When Sarah’s children ask about the baby in her stomach, Sarah explained that it was Lisa’s baby and would be a member of their “found family” – like a chosen cousin.
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