Dear Deidre
I HAVE fallen in love with another woman but my daughter won’t forgive me for breaking up our family.
I met this girl at the gym and she is fun, has a great body and is a wonderful listener.
I used to pour out all my troubles and she was so understanding. She is 26 and I am 29.
One day she suggested we carry on talking in a pub and I melted when there was more on offer than just a drink.
It was amazing to have sex with someone who really wanted to touch me intimately. I suddenly realised just how much I had been missing sex.
My wife and I were rowing a lot — and in front of our kids, a girl of 11 and a boy of seven.
My dad had a heart attack and never really got well again. My mum was ill with the strain of it all.
Yet my wife, who is 30, was totally unsupportive and I felt unhappy and rejected. I did not know where to turn.
Then I met my new love and I felt enveloped in comfort and caring. Eventually I found the courage to leave home and I moved into my lover’s flat.
Life would have been happy again except my daughter now hates me and wants nothing to do with me.
My son is OK but although I phone or message my daughter every day, she will have none of it. She never replies and it breaks my heart.
She has had to have special help at school because of what has happened.
All I want is my daughter to allow me to be the dad I once was. I have tried everything but the hatred she feels is so obvious, you could cut it with a knife.
I feel I have wrecked her life along with my family.
DEIDRE SAYS: Keep seeing your son regularly and try to stay in contact with your daughter.
It is important you show that you still want to be involved in their lives.
She is angry and upset about all that has happened and probably about her grandparents being ill too.
Her whole world seems to have suddenly turned upside down.
What she wants most of all is to see her mum and dad back together again.
This is normal and natural but talk to your wife about how important it is that you keep a close relationship with your daughter, and that it isn’t fair to poison her mind against you.
My e-leaflet When Parents Fall Out will help both of you handle this best for your children.
You can find understanding support too through Families Need Fathers (fnf.org.uk, 0300 0300 363).
My boyfriend's family have arranged him to marry another girl
Dear Deidre
I AM deeply in love with an Indian guy whose family have arranged for him to marry another girl.
They refuse to acknowledge our relationship because they want him to marry within their culture.
I am 22, my boyfriend is 24. We have been together for a year. His family know about us but are keeping it a secret. They all live in the UK.
They have lectured him for hours and told him he must finish with me. They say he must start to get to know the girl he is to marry and are making wedding arrangements.
We do not know what to do. He does not want to turn his back on his whole family but to me it seems they are driving him away.
DEIDRE SAYS: His family cannot force him to marry against his will but would losing them mean he resents you?
Suggest he talks it over with the Asian Family Counselling Service (asianfamilycounselling.org, 020 8571 3933).
Related stories
DEAR DEIDRE 
Amazing sex and a warm bond … is my bit on the side The One?
My pregnant work fling insists I'm not the father – but there's no way of knowing for sure
My lesbian lover won't ditch her boyfriend and I worry she'll never come to terms with her sexuality
I had sex with eight lads on girls' holiday and caught an STI… and I'm terrified I've given it to my boyfriend
I'LL LOSE GIRL OVER BETTING
Dear Deidre
I AM a compulsive gambler and can’t stop. I have been having counselling for it but I have started missing the sessions to go to the bookies.
I have a lovely girlfriend and we are both 23. She is very upset about my habit.
She does not know that I lost what I won last week. Then I got a loan to gamble with again and I lost all that too.
I know I risk losing my girlfriend over this but when I am gambling, all I think about is myself. I must stop before it wrecks everything.
DEIDRE SAYS: The thrill you feel when you bet overtakes all your common sense. Involve your girlfriend in your treatment.
Keeping quiet about what you have been doing is not working.
Hand all your money and cards to her so you can’t access cash for now.
My e-leaflet Gambling Problems? explains more tactics.
I feel our life together was a lie after finding pile of dirty magazines and videos
Dear Deidre
I AM newly widowed and have found a pile of dirty magazines and videos I knew nothing about hidden in a locked cupboard.
Now I feel that our life together was a total lie.
We were happily together for 15 years. I am 35. My husband died suddenly at the age of 59.
He said he was looking after some books for a friend. I have now found out they were not this friend’s but my husband’s.
I feel cheated on and as though I was never good enough for him. I cannot believe he did this to me.
DEIDRE SAYS: You have been through a difficult time, losing your partner so young, and of course this is a shock.
But most men look at porn at some time. I’d guess he didn’t want to upset you.
It does not mean your relationship was a lie. Talk to a Cruse bereavement counsellor to put this into perspective against 15 happy years (cruse.org.uk, 0808 808 1677).
Source: Read Full Article
