DEAR DEIDRE: MY wife’s two boys have completely rejected our relationship. She is heartbroken.
She went through a difficult break-up.
The boys’ father had a gambling problem, which they are unaware of. Her sons are now aged 23 and 25.
She struggled to buy food because her ex would spend all his wages on the horses.
She had three cleaning jobs and had to take the kids to her clients’ homes when they were little.
She finally broke free when she had no food in the house and had to tell her mother, who took them all in until her ex left their council home.
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Since then she has become money-wise and even managed to buy her property. But her sons are fiercely protective of their father.
We are both 43.
She moved in with me and we got married last year but they refused to come to our wedding.
Her sons now live in the house but hate the fact that their father ended up with nothing.
Now they have told their mother she is not welcome back home, but if their father wants to live with them, he is welcome.
She hates it that her boys have turned on her for finding happiness with me.
DEIDRE SAYS: It’s a sad situation but things won’t ever change unless she is honest with her sons.
Many couples don’t want to bad-mouth or bring children into their arguments but in this situation, her boys need to wake up and smell the coffee.
Yes, it’s great that their father has a good relationship with them, but this isn’t their home to give to him. It’s their mother’s.
In a quiet moment, talk to her and suggest that her sons need to know the truth.
She doesn’t have to do this alone but can find help through mediation, where they can all find a safe place to talk.
Contact National Family Mediation (nfm.org.uk, 0300 4000 636) for advice.
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