HOLIDAY-loving Dominic Raab has been mercilessly mocked with spoof reviews of his £1,000-a-night hotel stay.
Mr Raab, 47, lapped up the luxury of his stunning suite’s private swimming pool and enjoyed five-star pampering in Crete as Afghanistan was overrun by the Taliban.
Online pranksters have posted a string of comic critiques of the swish Amirandes Boutique Hotel, heaping more scorn on the under-fire Foreign Secretary.
One wag – who called themselves “Dom R” on Tripadvisor – gave the hotel a five star rating, adding: “I hadn’t quite understood the full extent of getting away from it all until now.
“Quite honestly, there could be a war going on outside, and you’d barely notice it. Bliss!
“P.S Terrible mobile signal on the beach but suited me just fine.”
HOTEL REVIEWS
Hilariously, the hotel’s general manager Vassilis Minadakis was fooled by the review and replied: “Dear Dom, Thank you very much for taking the time to write us a review about your recent stay.
“We are very happy to read that you enjoyed your time with us in order for you to relax and escape from everyday life. We hope to welcome you again soon.”
Another bogus Tripadvisor review from trickster “Lan” gave the hotel three stars and was headlined: “Too busy working to relax!!”
It added: “As a very important minister of a very important nation off the coast of north west Europe, I obviously have to conceal my identity by writing under a pseudonym.
“Far from being able to enjoy the amenities of this excellent hotel, I was stuck in my room on the phone 24/7 coordinating evacuation efforts required by an unfolding international crisis.
“Some uncharitable people have been saying I was lounging on the beach as the situation rapidly deteriorated. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Far from being able to enjoy the amenities of this excellent hotel, I was stuck in my room on the phone 24/7 coordinating evacuation efforts required by an unfolding international crisis
“The fact is I suddenly remembered I had left my water wings on the beach after my regular 6am swim before starting work and merely rushed down to retrieve them.
“My friend Boris will back me up on this.”
The review adds “travelled on business” and offers the tip: “Best not to let the press get wind of your stay.”
Another three star review, entitled “for a friend”, Nicholas said: “My pal Dom came here recently.
MOCKED MERCILESSLY
“He is a busy foreign secretary of an independent island nation with a great history and, according to him, a great future.
“He was planning to relax and take things easy but got completely overwhelmed by the NATO evacuations from Afghanistan.
“Nevertheless, Dom’s stay was excellent.
“He was rarely distracted or disturbed and he had time to completely download from work.
RAAB UNDER FIRE
“He relaxed so much that he overlooked the abject failure of U.K. foreign policy that had occured during his stay – 100 per cent relax, 100 per cent foreign policy failure.”
Hotel bosses quickly removed the post from the trippers’ go-to review site yesterday fearing its high profile guest would be embarrassed by the japes.
The glitzy hotel in Heraklion boasts its own Olympic-sized pool, three private beaches, and a “first-class dining scene.”
The foreign secretary was roasted for not immediately jetting home from his holiday when he was asked to return by Number 10 on August 13.
Mr Raab has also been blasted for delegating a vital call to start the evacuation of Afghan interpreters to a junior minister while he swam and relaxed on his sunbed.
But the call between Lord Goldsmith and ousted Afghan foreign minister Hanif Atmar about the fate of trapped translators facing revenge for helping British forces never took place.
Mr Raab did not fly home until the early hours of Monday, August 15, by which time the bloodthirsty Islamist fanatics had captured Kabul sparking a refugee crisis.
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