Have you ever wondered why the most inflammatory, divisive people seem to have the biggest following on social media?
While there are a number of reasons for this, hate-following is certainly one of them.
To hate-follow someone is to connect with them on social media for the express purpose of fostering your dislike. This person’s views may not align with yours or you may find them distasteful – either way, you just can’t help but keep an eye on their whereabouts.
However, you don’t have to hate someone to have a toxic relationship with their online presence.
Enter, the schadenfollow.
Schadenfreude is a German word that refers to a feeling of pleasure at another person’s misfortune.
Although sometimes there might be an element of justice to this shameful glee (like a horrible boss getting their comeuppance), often it comes down to jealousy; it makes us feel better to see someone fail.
To schadenfollow someone is to admire or think highly of them – at least on the surface. You stay up to date on their life events and like their pictures, but it’s all surface level goodwill.
Even if you’d never admit it, you’re following this person you envy in the hope that they’ll fall from grace, making you feel better about yourself in comparison.
Philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche said, ‘To see others suffer does one good.’ This is the crux of the schadenfollow.
Relationship and positive psychology Coach Elle Mace explains: ‘The brain doesn’t know the difference between the emotions of love and hate, they both release feel-good hormones regardless of the motivation or intent.
‘When we give emotional attention to someone, oxytocin and serotonin are released, making us feel good. It’s also a lot easier to hate someone than it is to identify your own voids and trauma.’
Alex Payne, rugby broadcaster and CEO of influencer marketing platform Room Unlocked, argues that these feelings are natural and that the green-eyed monster can actually be a positive thing if it helps us reach our goals.
‘However,’ he adds, ‘by following accounts that trigger feelings of jealousy, many of us are risking overstepping the limits to the point where it can become damaging to our confidence and wellbeing.’
In truth, if the fashion designer you went to school with loses their job or the bestselling author you wish you could be releases a flop, you won’t feel fulfilled. Those same insecurities will still be there, except now with an extra helping of guilt about your malicious enjoyment.
How to spot a schadenfollow
Wondering what the difference is between a schadenfollow and simply following someone who has an aspirational lifestyle that you admire?
To differentiate between the two, Alex says: ‘The key is to ask yourself – am I following this person because I value and enjoy engaging in the content they are posting? Or, when I see their posts, does it negatively impact my wellbeing?
‘The difference lies in following someone for the right reasons – do it because their content makes you feel good and has a positive impact on your life.’
According to Elle, building your confidence and coming off social media are key to moving forward from the schadenfollower lifestyle.
‘It’s important to detoxify because it isn’t benefiting your mental health and it will be causing additional stress,’ she says.
‘Stop following the people you have an unhealthy interest in, the ones you compare yourself to and the accounts that make you feel jealous and envious of what they have or do.
‘If unfollowing feels too difficult, then you can mute these accounts so you don’t see their content until you are feeling more secure.’
In addition to this, she advises reducing in the time you spend on social media, practicing self-care in the form journalling and daily affirmations, and generally taking your interactions into the real world more often.
Elle adds: ‘Once you realise that the life people portray on social media isn’t real or the full picture, this will help you compare real life to your life and not the life that people portray online.’
Alex also urges us to remind ourselves of the heavily curated nature of what we see online, as ‘the so-called perfect life you see may be far from reality.’
‘We also need to develop the ability to detect when a person we follow, or their content, is making us feel uncomfortable and hit the unfollow button,’ he adds.
‘Social media is full of authentic and genuine creators, so it’s key to fill your feed with posts that makes you feel positive, uplifted and inspired.’
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