DEAR DEIDRE: I FOUND a pair of sexy fishnet stockings in the dustbin, and now I suspect my wife is having an affair.
She denies it but her excuse — that she bought them for a hen night — doesn’t wash with me.
We’ve been married for ten years. I’m 44 and she’s 40.
At the start of our relationship, she sometimes used to dress up for me, wearing hold-up stockings or suspenders and garters.
That hasn’t happened for many years.
Until recently, we had a pretty good sex life. But a few months ago, she stopped wanting to make love.
She always felt too tired or said she had a headache or had to get up early the next day.
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It upset me, but I hoped her libido would return soon, perhaps when work got less busy and stressful.
Last weekend, I was gardening and had a lot of weeds to throw away. I took them to the bin at the back of the garden.
It was full, so I decided to empty it into our larger street bin. As I did this, the stockings — which were stuffed into a plastic bag — fell out.
I took them in to my wife, asking why she’d disposed of a perfectly good — and unladdered — pair.
She seemed flustered and said she’d bought them for a friend’s hen do, but they didn’t stay up, so she had chucked them out. But all her friends got married years ago, and there are no weddings coming up.
And why hide them outside?
The only thing that makes sense to me is that she bought them to wear in bed with another man.
Should I ask her if she’s cheating?
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DEIDRE SAYS: You might be putting two and two together and making five.
There’s no real evidence she is cheating. She could be telling the truth about the stockings, or there might be another innocent explanation. And she could genuinely be too tired for sex.
However, the fact you are starting to doubt her is a symptom of general unhappiness in your relationship.
You miss intimacy but haven’t said anything, hoping that the problem will sort itself out.
Rather than confronting her about a possible affair, talk to her about your marriage.
Ask her to be honest with you about her feelings.
My support pack, Looking After Your Relationship, should help, as will my advice on Reviving A Woman’s Sex Drive.
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