DEAR DEIDRE: MY girlfriend has been given an ultimatum by her children – to finish with me or they will go to the police.
She has two daughters, aged 18 and 16, who don’t like me because we have very fiery rows.
They say I have anger issues. I’m 53 and she is 49.
They are worried I am abusive but I would never lay a finger on her. Now we are sneaking around to meet in secret.
The problem is we live in a small market town and I know it will get back to her family that we are still seeing each other.
Should I accept that we can’t be together to ensure she doesn’t lose her children?
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DEIDRE SAYS: Your girlfriend’s children must have good reason to be worried. You say you would never physically hurt her but abuse takes many forms, including emotional, financial and coercive control (when one partner controls the other).
If you are worried you might have unhealthy behaviour, please visit freedomprogramme.co.uk. It has programmes for men who are abusive and wish to change their behaviour.
As you admit you have bad rows, you could learn how to communicate better and prove to her children you are serious about her by going to counselling – either together or alone. I’m sending you my support pack on how counselling works, with information on how to find a reputable counsellor.
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