DEAR DEIDRE: I GOT two texts from my husband that he said were for me but it was a lie and they were for another woman.
We have been through a very bad patch because he was seeing this woman from work.
In the end I told him to leave but he promised he would never see her again and he stayed.
We gradually got through that horrible time and he became loving again.
Then he sent a text saying, “We can meet in the usual place.”
Another one soon after said, “I do understand that you’re busy right now with your family stuff.” He said that was meant for his sister.
I’m 33 and he’s 35. In the end he admitted he does see that woman but says I am his lover and he sees her as his friend.
He shares his worries with her and she gives him marital advice, then he comes home to me to have sex.
I do believe they’re not lovers but I’ve told him I want him to see me as his friend, not her.
I’ve suggested counselling but he won’t agree.
I’ve even suggested that he and I meet up with this woman and her husband so we can all be friends but he said no to that as well. What can I do?
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DEIDRE SAYS: I totally get why you’re feeling so hurt. If there are problems in your relationship, or about anything else, then he should be talking them over with you.
Why won’t he share his feelings with you? Ask yourself how you react when he does talk to you.
Do you quickly get angry or upset? Do you interrupt him or talk over him?
If you want him to speak then he needs to feel confident that he’s going to be heard.
Even if your husband won’t go (at first) it’s worth seeing a counsellor alone to get their insight and feedback.
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