DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN I told my lover I planned to sign my house over to my wife in our divorce, she dumped me and told me never to call again.
It’s left me so confused, as I saw my future with her and thought she did too. Now I don’t know if I should try to make my stale marriage work.
I’m 35, my wife is 34 and we have been married for seven years. My ex-lover is 36.
My wife and I had lost our spark and I was bored with our sex life.
So, when an ex-girlfriend — the one I felt had “got away” at university — messaged me on Facebook, it reignited the passion missing from my marriage.
An affair felt inevitable and when we finally met, the chemistry we’d enjoyed as students came flooding back.
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We fell into bed and began an intense, sexual affair for four months.
My lover told me she was also planning to leave her husband.
We talked about being a proper couple.
Knowing how much this would hurt my wife, I decided the least I could do was to sign the house over to her.
When I told my lover, she went cold and said she had been planning to move into my house.
It seemed my lovely home — much bigger, in a better area, and more expensive than hers — was a big part of my appeal.
If my house wasn’t part of the package, she didn’t want me. And that was the end of our affair.
I went back to my wife and, riven with guilt, confessed all.
To my surprise, she has forgiven me and says she wants to make our marriage work. But I don’t know if this is what I want.
Perhaps it has run its course and I should walk away?
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DEIDRE SAYS: You have had a lucky escape.
Your ex-lover sounds like a gold-digger and it’s better you learned her true motives before upending your entire life for her.
But you wouldn’t have been tempted to have an affair if you weren’t unhappy.
No relationship remains as effortlessly passionate as it was in its early days.
If you want it to stay fresh, you need to keep working on it together.
Chasing excitement means you’ll never be happy.
Your wife has offered you the chance to build something lasting and meaningful. If this is what you want, take it. My support pack, Relationship MOT, will help.
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