My partner facetimes his ex for hours – I'm scared they're having virtual sex

DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner’s ex regularly sends him naked selfies and has long flirtatious video chats with him – it’s so obvious she is trying to get him back.

I am 28 and my boyfriend is 31. We’ve been together for almost two years and have an eight-month-old baby boy together.

My partner’s ex is a piece of work and he knows what she’s like, but I’m worried she’s getting to him.


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Recently when they have been on video chats he goes for a shower straight after. I’m worried they have started having virtual sex.

She cheated on him with one of his good friends and left him, taking their one-year-old daughter and her two older children with her.

My boyfriend was devastated and I know her behaviour still hurts him.

When they split, she moved straight in with this new man but they broke up six months ago. She immediately started working on my boyfriend.

She threatens my partner, saying she will stop him seeing his daughter.

Then she love-bombs him, telling him she adores him, but I know she is manipulating him.

She dictates the times of their video chats (normally when she knows I’ll be at work) and decides when my partner can see their daughter. There is never any dis­cussion.

My partner becomes defensive of her whenever I complain. We are now on the brink of breaking up because of her antics.

My partner wants to work on our relationship and has begged me to hang in there, but I can’t tolerate him defending her.

DEIDRE SAYS: Don’t walk away. That’s exactly what she wants – to send you packing.

Your partner is doing everything he can to placate her, as he is afraid she will stop him seeing his daughter if he doesn’t comply.

Families Need Fathers (fnf.org.uk, 0300 0300 363) will understand the issues here.

Your partner can talk to them about how to claim equal parental responsibility, so it is harder for his ex to mess him and his daughter around.

You can start by insisting they only call when their daughter is present or in order to discuss her.

My support pack When Parents Fall Out explains more about how children are affected in these situations.

Your partner needs to listen to your concerns if only for the sake of the baby you have together.

If he won’t consider your feelings you need to decide whether you can stay in a relationship that makes you insecure.

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