I’m 37 – these are the seven rules that have kept me and my boyfriend together for 16 years

• The secret to a long-term relationship have been revealed 
• Growing with each other and always choosing each other were on top of the list 
• Read more: I’m a new mum and Aussies can’t pronounce by baby’s name

A young woman who’s been with her partner for 16 years has revealed the seven secrets to a long-lasting relationship. 

Stef, who goes by the TikTok moniker @get_wavy, listed the non-negotiable rules she swears by – and stressed the importance of being best friends. 

At first the points sound somewhat cryptic but the 37-year-old elaborates and explains the meaning of each one. 

‘Our mindset is to always choose each other no matter what, have a lot of fun, and always be on the same team. By no means are we perfect but we are definitely best friends,’ she said.

Stef explained being best friends with your partner is the key to a happy relationship. She explained the top seven relationship secrets in a TikTok video

First, she explained how ‘assumption is the death of curiosity’ – meaning you should always ask questions and to never assume anything remains the same. 

‘I will ask him what his favourite foods are, his favourite movies, any first date questions, I’m still asking him. Because it’s important to give them the opportunity to grow within the relationship,’ Stef said. 

‘We just assume and we make blanket statements like “Oh he always does this, she always does that or she never likes this”.’

Asking these questions will not only allow you to get to know your partner more but also gives the partner an opportunity to grow.  

Next Stef claims every seven years something big needs to occur in order to ‘scratch that itch’ and refresh the relationship. 

‘It’s very important to do something massive at that seven year mark. I got a whole new career and at the second seventh year mark we had a kid,’ she said. 

‘It doesn’t have to be any of those, but something life-changing has to occur in that time. That way you can both do it together.’

But Stef added this needs to be done ‘in collaboration’, such as moving, starting a business, picking up an extensive hobby, or redefining your style, mindset or spirit. 

‘It’s not abut changing relationships and getting kind of bored of the relationship itself, it’s more about refreshing your life entirely,’ she added. 

She always touches base with her partner to see how he’s feeling and the two grow together over the years. They also joke around, go on spontaneous adventures and each person having an ‘own-able space’ – both physical and in essence 

To prolong a happy relationship, Stef recommended judging by ‘capacity not intent’. 

If her partner is agitated, she will consider why he’s feeling this way – if it’s from work, family or something else. 

‘I will look at what’s actually going on or I’ll ask him, then if he’s kind of crabby I’ll know that it’s because his gas tank is empty,’ she said. 

‘You want to look at what they’re dealing with – spoken and unspoken – then help them with capacity. Not assigning judgement to their intent or assigning capacity.’ 

Many often believe in order to make a relationship work, you need to compromise on things. But Stef rejected this notion and said it’s not compromise but collaboration that’s important. 

‘When you differ in opinions or diverge in what you want to do, it’s going to be a collaborative effort to do something you want to do together,’ she said. 

‘Work towards a common goal, and it looks different for both of you. When you meet in the middle you’re going to collaborate – we’re not compromising.’ 

Stef said the ‘framing’ of this in your mind is key to success. 

The fifth point is a ‘non-negotiable’ – you need to be best friends.

Stef said you need to send each other memes, joke around and laugh a lot together and be excited to go on spontaneous adventures together. 

She coined the term ‘always clown, always down’ which she dubbed as ‘the spice’. 

Read more: Inside young couple’s breathtaking ‘Disney fairytale’ wedding in Sydney’s Town Hall

Stef also highlighted the importance of each person having an ‘own-able space’ – both physical and in essence. 

‘Having your own voice and your own ownable thing for each of you is really important because you get to support the other person without stepping on each other,’ she said. 

Lastly, and perhaps the most controversial point, Stef claims growing apart can be a bridge and not an exit. 

Over the last 16 years, she and her partner have grown differently and they aren’t the exact same person they each were before, but that’s a good thing as it means they’ve grown as people. 

‘This is really an opportunity to show who you to each other to explore more broadly every single step of the way,’ Stef said. 

‘And it helps you flex the muscle that even if you don’t agree with that person you can learn to love and respect them anyway – and it can go beyond interests. 

‘Bring them into your world if you’re growing into something different than what they’re used to. Let them see what you’re seeing. It’s not forcing your view, it’s an invite.’ 

#greenscreen 16 years in and he is still my best friend. Here are some things we’ve done together that have made a huge postive impact on our relationship. Our mindset is to always choose each other no matter what, have a lot of fun, and always be on the same team. By no means are we perfect but we are definitely best friends. Mindful relationship advice Long term relationship Relationship mindset and habits Mindful relationships #relationshiptips #longtermrelationship #mindsetshift #mindfulrelationships #selfdiscovery

The detailed video has since been viewed a staggering 1.3million times and others agreed with Stef’s pointed. 

‘Giving opportunity to grow is SO important! And it goes both ways!’ one wrote. 

‘My mom always told me ‘never assume they’re purposely trying to hurt you’, and that has saved me SO much grief,’ another said. 

‘The seven year itch one is really interesting to learn about! Just after celebrating six years together my boyfriend and I moved to a new province and it really refreshed everything!’ a third added.

Read more: We left Australia and moved our family-of-four overseas because we couldn’t afford it anymore – and now our quality of life is better than ever

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