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Carlen Costa, 38, is a sex expert from Toronto, Canada who is on a mission to close the orgasm gap.
How? By encouraging women to count their orgasms, with the goal of reaching one million orgasms worldwide.
Carlen has launched a digital tracker to help us all keep note of how much we’re coming.
Additionally, she is advocating for women to masturbate, saying: ‘Women don’t need men for pleasure.
‘If masturbation isn’t a part of your self-care routine, then you are doing it wrong.
‘It stabilises your mood, raises your self-esteem and feels good.
‘I’m collecting women’s orgasms to celebrate each and every one of them. I preach that women should own their orgasm.
‘In a society where women’s sexuality is shameful or seen through the male gaze, I encourage self-love and masturbation so women can normalise and prioritise their pleasure without even needing to involve a partner.
Costa explains that women counting their orgasms and sharing that data is another way to celebrate their sexuality and practice self-care.
‘I want to cheerlead all women to shout from the rooftops when they feel good,’ she adds.
The orgasm counter that Costa created currently stands at 228 orgasms, and has a section that allows people to share their experiences.
She is hoping more and more women will add to the tally, saying that ‘all orgasms count’.
‘This is an act of advocacy – I just want to support women in sharing their experience and sharing the amounts I collect,’ Carlen explains.
‘It’s about saying your orgasm is okay, sex isn’t dirty, it’s not shameful, it doesn’t make you less worthy to be upfront about your desire.’
Costa is a clinical sexologist and psychotherapist who has worked with women who don’t know if they have reached orgasm and women who don’t know where their clitoris is.
She says: ‘Often women, especially older women over 50, were taught about sex from their male partners. In this age group especially it is very common for women to proudly exclaim that they have never pleasured themselves.’
This is where Carlen comes in, teaching them about their bodies and how to embrace their sexuality after many years of suppressing it.
‘I show them diagrams and we start with the basics of naming their body parts and looking with a mirror at what’s between their legs,’ she notes. ;A true connection to yourself and your own pleasure is the real key to pleasing your partner.
‘You can’t show up for your relationships if you don’t show up for yourself.’
We know that orgasm produces happy hormones and can benefit both physical and mental health, but Costa also believes that it can introduce success in your life too.
‘Success starts with the investments you make in yourself – how you feel, how you look, how you show up for yourself,’ she recently said on the Business Babies and Bossing It podcast.
‘There is a high ratio of return in masturbation, no waiting around for someone to get it right – you can be efficient and completely selfish.
‘Knowing you are a powerful, sexual woman gives you such a great energy that is contagious to be around.’
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