Despite feeling emotionally and physically drained as she undergoes gruelling treatment for breast cancer, former Real Housewives Of Cheshire star Nermina Pieters-Mekic wants to share her story in the hope it might “save a life”.
The model and equestrian recently made the brave decision to announce on her social media that she had been diagnosed with early-stage aggressive breast cancer at just 33 years old, after finding a lump in her left breast.
Speaking exclusively to OK!, she now feels comfortable enough to reveal that she was in the very early stages of pregnancy at the time.
“I was pregnant when I found out I had cancer, it broke my heart we couldn’t keep the baby – nobody should ever find themselves in that unthinkable position,” she says
She continued: “One night when I couldn’t sleep I sat in Alaya’s nursery. I looked at her height chart on the wall, and thought, ‘What if I’m not here to witness this in a few years? What if I don’t see her grow up?’ They couldn’t do all the checks [cancer tests] because I was pregnant so I kept thinking, ‘I’ll never forgive myself for not seeing Alaya grow up.’”
Her initial heartfelt Instagram announcement of her diagnosis quickly received 14,000 likes and comments wishing her well, and is what prompted today’s poignant family photoshoot with her West Bromwich Albion footballer husband Erik, 35, adorable two-year-old Alaya, and their family dog Blue.
Nermina, who joined the Cheshire reality show in 2017, is grateful for the chance to get her message heard – and she needs people to listen.
“I was diagnosed with this 10 days after my 33rd birthday,” she says. “So yes, it’s lovely having a little glam day but I really want to open people’s eyes, and maybe sharing our experience could eventually save a life.
“I never in my wildest dreams thought this would happen to me. I never get ill, I eat a good diet, I exercise with my horses, I barely drink, I’m very healthy. But cancer doesn’t discriminate. One in seven women will get breast cancer in their lifetime, and a lot of those will be young women.
“It’s easy to think ‘it won’t happen to me’, but it can happen to anyone – I’m proof of that. I need women to check themselves, and be checked.”
Nermina, who is now make-up free and in a black baseball cap and comfy black tracksuit, rather than her autumnal green dress, is joined for our chat in their stylish Wilmslow home by Erik, whom she married in 2016. It’s clear that the past few months have taken a toll on them, but their ability to recount sometimes harrowing details of their experience with poise and self-control is admirable.
No topic is off the table and Nermina, who understandably gets incredibly emotional at times, is honest about her feelings and experiences because she wants other women to “know they’re not alone”.
As well as showing us her chemotherapy port fitted under the skin on her chest and removing her cap to reveal her thinning hair, she opens up about what has been the most difficult part of her whole experience – the pregnancy.
The couple had been trying to conceive a second child since Alaya’s birth and took a test just a few days before Nermina was due to go back to the hospital to get the results of her biopsy. She’d taken her toddler along to the appointment as Erik was at a training session.
“Alaya was on my knee and she was trying to cheer me up, and I felt heartbroken for her that she had to be in the room with me,” she says emotionally. “I would never have wanted that.
“I could see from her body language that she was trying to cheer me up, and it’s not her job to do that. As her mum, I felt I should have been keeping her away from these situations and protecting her. Normally I don’t get upset, I’m a very calm and positive person, but when someone tells you have breast cancer, it’s like an out-of-body experience.
“I was looking around, and the doctor was saying all these things to me, and I have no clue what he said. When he stopped, I said, ‘I’m pregnant’, and he told me, ‘That changes everything.’”
Following more tests, Nermina and Erik were told if they continued with the pregnancy, it would have a significant impact on her treatment.
She would have to undergo an immediate full mastectomy – which is still a possibility – and undergo chemotherapy up until 30 weeks of pregnancy, and immediately following the birth. It would also delay and rule out other elements of treatments completely as they’re not confirmed to be safe during pregnancy.
As the lumps in her left breast were growing fast and no one else was able to make the decision for them, the couple sought various second opinions from other doctors.
“We visited a clinic to see what our options were with the pregnancy. Could the embryo be frozen as it was still so early? Could I freeze my eggs too? But when we returned to my doctor for a follow-up appointment, he confirmed that in one week, the lump had grown and that delaying the treatment would not be good.”
Nermina, who has had four of her six planned rounds of chemotherapy so far, still finds it difficult to discuss their decision not to continue with the pregnancy, but wants people to know the realities of cancer.
“I have to do everything and anything I possibly can to give myself the best chance to beat this because I have a little girl here and she needs me,” she says.
And Erik fully supported her. “As a partner, you have to be there for support,” he says. “And you have to educate yourself and don’t leave it to your partner to have to explain everything to you.
“I told Nermina from the start I would always be open and honest, and ask questions. No one expects this to happen, but when it does you can’t change it, you have to face it. And there’s no better way to face it than to face it together.”
Following her pregnancy, Nermina’s doctors took action to try to protect her reproductive organs from the effects of the chemotherapy, but they won’t know how it has affected her fertility until after her treatment is finished. It also wasn’t possible to freeze her eggs and this is another topic Nermina wants to address.
“If I didn’t have a daughter already, my heart would break into a million pieces if we couldn’t have children,” she says. “You just never know what’s going to happen or when it’s too late. So I really want to tell women, if they want children and are in a position to freeze their eggs, then to go for it. And I want to tell all women to check their breasts regularly!”
Despite what they’re living through, the couple have managed to find moments of laughter among all the tears and trauma.
“I’m trying to accept things as they happen,” says Nermina. “You have to take the good days and go with the bad days.”
Nermina’s new short hair has been a huge adjustment. She’s had almost waist-length chestnut locks for as long as she can remember.
The star said that experiencing hair loss in the shower was “like you see in a movie”, and she insisted Erik hand over his razor so she could shave it all off.
“I managed to convince her to use scissors because I knew that however much she cut off, she could still fix it, but if she shaved it, there’s no fixing it. I wanted her to be happy,” says Erik, who tells us he actually prefers his wife’s shorter hair as it shows off her face.
Ever the optimist, Nermina is currently compiling a mood board of pixie cuts and short shaggy styles that she wants to try further down the line – and there’s even a peroxide blonde look in there!
“I’m actually quite enjoying it,” she laughs. “It was a big thing for me to cut my hair because I’ve always had really long hair. But if I have to shave it off, I’m looking forward to getting a pixie cut, or maybe bleaching it.”
It’s now three months since her initial diagnosis and Nermina only has two more rounds of chemotherapy, which is administered through her port. Once that’s finished she’ll need radiotherapy and regular screening, and a lumpectomy or mastectomy still isn’t off the table.
“An operation is something we’ll talk about in December, once the chemo is done,” she explains. “I’m going to do whatever is safest and whatever the doctors recommend, even if that’s a full mastectomy. I’ll just do it and have a reconstruction, I’m not afraid of that.
“It’s going to be a long journey and I have to remind myself how lucky I am that I found it early and that I’ve got my family around me. It’s a challenge, but I can do it.”
Nermina and Erik’s parents all live in the Netherlands but they’ve been taking it in turns to come and help out around the house when Nermina is not feeling well as a result of her treatment.
Her mum Hasima and Erik’s mum Stella have worked “in shifts” while Erik continues to train and play in the first team of his football club, which has been “incredibly supportive” (especially the team doctor who has received more than a handful of late-night texts from Erik with questions about Nermina’s health).
Having good and bad days is “par for the course” for them now, Nermina says, and she’s careful to manage what Alaya sees and feels.
If she’s feeling low, Nermina will take herself off to see her beloved showjumping horse Sydney or for a reiki session – which she’s currently convincing Erik to try! – to give her the headspace to process her thoughts.
“As a mum you just worry about your child,” she says, her voice cracking. “The first thing I thought was, ‘Am I going to see you grow up?’ I don’t want her to feel that energy, so if I feel sad I just go away for a while so she’s protected. She knows I am a bit unwell, but I don’t want her to feel scared or insecure.”
Doctors are optimistic about Nermina’s fight, and if her bucket-load of positivity and willpower make any difference, she’s likely to prove them right.
On her good days, she insists on getting out and about with Erik and Alaya, or seeing friends.
“When Erik’s at work, he’s all about the football and he’s actually been playing really well,” she says. “When he’s home, he’s all about us. I take each day as it comes and celebrate the small wins. We recently went to a pumpkin patch and had lunch with friends.
“After this round of chemotherapy I’m going to be wiped out so I try to focus on the positives when I’m feeling good. These moments keep me going and keep me happy, and that’s what is important right now.”
Nermina is donating her fee for this interview to charity
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