DEAR DEIDRE: SEVEN months ago my long-term partner died from breast cancer.
Since her death, I’ve been at a complete loss and have been signed off from work for three months. She was 51 and I’m 55.
Our son is a teenager and busies himself by going out constantly and spends most of his spare time at his girlfriend’s. I’m incredibly lonely.
A friend of mine recently suggested I try swinging – to relieve any tension and have some “no-strings fun”.
I didn’t want to go to a club straight away, but joined a swingers group online so that I could see if it might work for me.
Within a week I did get talking to one woman who is lovely.
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She understands my situation and isn’t pushy at all.
She has recently asked if I’d be interested in meeting up for a cup of coffee and it’s really thrown me. I don’t know what to do.
My partner did encourage me to meet someone but I’m not sure someone from a swingers’ site is quite what she had in mind.
Also I think my son and my friends would be horrified to know I’d met someone so soon.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Seven months isn’t very long to fully grieve for a loved one.
Not that it is anyone else’s business who you date or when.
But in terms of giving yourself a chance to heal, you do need to be aware that you are currently emotionally vulnerable.
So please don’t rush into anything you might regret.
It sounds as if you are missing company, rather than just sex, so perhaps it would be better to focus on strengthening your existing friendships.
Try talking to friends about how you are feeling – they will want to help.
Consider taking up a new hobby you’ve always been interested in, which is a great way to meet like-minded people.
The very fact you’ve written to me shows this situation isn’t sitting comfortably with you either, so do listen to your own intuition.
You do sound very low so please talk to your GP.
Also, I’m sending you my Bereavement support pack which will provide advice and help you find counselling.
I’m sure in time, if you can face up to the death of your late partner, you will be able to move on and find genuine love again.
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