DEAR DEIDRE: WE split up three years ago, and he has a new girlfriend, but my abusive ex still wants me to feature in his life.
I find it confusing and weird. Should I tell him where to go?
I’m 37 and my ex is 41. His new girlfriend is 34.
Our relationship was volatile, mainly thanks to his mental health issues.
He was often verbally abusive and it got physical a few times.
Although I did love him, I couldn’t accept that, so I walked away.
We didn’t see each other for months, but stayed in touch.
When he met his new girlfriend, he told me all about her. In fact, he tells me everything.
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He even talks about our past sex life, which I find inappropriate.
I still have strong feelings for him, so it’s painful.
Last week, he invited me for Sunday lunch with him and his girlfriend.
She knows that he needs me and that I haven’t stopped loving him either, so I don’t understand why she tolerates this.
I know I should move on, but part of me can’t let him go.
DEIDRE SAYS: By staying in touch, you’re stopping yourself from moving on.
This man has a hold over you – as abusive partners often do – and over his new girlfriend.
It sounds like she is so scared of losing him, she’ll put up with anything.
You deserve better.
Tell him you need to move on and leave them to it.
My support pack, Addictive Love, should help you understand your feelings.
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