My partner is sleeping with my best friend.
I’ve been aware for six months. My partner knows that I know because I caught them in our bed, but we don’t talk about it.
She gets dressed up and she says she’s off to see a mate, but I don’t see her for three days.
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She takes her passport and claims she’s flying to Sweden for work (her firm have an office there), then comes back with a golden suntan.
I know that when she’s not with me, she’s with him.
She’s treating me like an idiot, but I don’t know what to do about it. I’m frozen with fear.
I worry that if I say anything, then our relationship will be over and that this house will be sold, and I’ll be on my own.
Despite everything, I still love her and long for us to be a proper couple again. Plus, her family are everything to me.
Her parents housed me from the age of 17 when my own mum went abroad and her siblings are like flesh and blood. I fear that if I confront her and she dumps me, then I’ll lose all of them too.
My so-called best friend is also carrying on as if nothing is happening. We work in the same industry, so I have to put on a civil front for the sake of professionalism. I know I should confront him, but I don’t know where to start. Does his wife need to hear the truth from me?
The other week my partner announced that she thought she might be pregnant. I blurted out: “Is it his or mine?” and she told me not to be so childish.
It turned out to be a false alarm, but nothing has changed. I’m still as demoralised as ever.
Where do I go from here?
JANE SAYS: You’ve got to do something to bring matters to a head.
You’re going to make yourself ill if you carry on like this. You caught your partner and your best friend together in bed. Everything changed the minute you spotted them.
There can be no more sticking your head in the sand because this is real.
Your partner may think she can do whatever she likes, but you’re entitled to ask questions and get answers.
Is she planning to leave you for him? What is the long-term plan – and where does it leave you?
If his wife doesn’t know about this affair, then are there any plans to bring her in on the truth? Whether your partner likes it or not, she’s still in an established relationship with you and you’re entitled to answers, especially if you own a property together. Be brave and get the ball rolling.
It will be very sad if you do split up because I understand your attachment to her family, but you can’t allow yourself to be ill-used and ignored because you deserve to be cherished and happy.
Perhaps if you get tough and make a stand, then she might start to take you seriously and respect you more.
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