Sir Kenneth Branagh is finally back with his little grey cells (duly referenced) as both detective Hercule Poirot and director for this adaptation of Agatha Christie’s 1937 whodunnit Death on the Nile – but no amount of his evident glee can save this turgid and meandering journey down Egypt’s famous river.
The much-delayed film unfortunately reflects its namesake in feeling extremely long, with a two-hour plus run-time that there doesn’t seem to be enough story to justify.
It’s difficult to shake the feeling that, overall, this could have done better as a brisk teatime TV adaptation and saved Disney – via 20th Century Studios – an awful lot of money.
First, the positives. Branagh as the iconic brainy Belgian is clearly having a whale of a time. Yes, the moustache and wildly over-the-top accent remain distractions, but he demonstrates real flair with quips and humorous moments that showcase Poirot’s foibles and allow him to both make the joke and be its subject.
The splendour of 1930s Egypt is beautifully represented (this is where the millions come in handy, I suppose), although it was only establishing shots that actually left the UK for this expensively reconstructed movie. A pity.
The glamour of travel and lavish riches is evident in locations and on its chic stars, which include Gal Godot as filthy-rich heiress Lynette Ridgeway, whose embarrassingly ostentatious diamond necklace is stolen in a sub-plot.
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Death on the Nile gets off to a sputtering start through an interesting but somewhat indulgent flashback to 1914, padding out Poirot’s backstory with a traumatic World War I incident and a first frustratingly vague hint at Katherine (Susannah Fielding), supposedly the love of Poirot’s life.
Also, prepare for what seems to be the norm now the technology is available with an uncanny valley de-aged Branagh.
Poirot is next seen rather randomly in a nightclub, watching a rather lusty couple all but copulate on the dance floor (Armie Hammer and Emma Mackey as Simon Doyle and Jacqueline de Bellefort) before Gadot’s entrance puts paid to those plans.
He’s then randomly in Egypt and bumping into his former associate Bouc (Tom Bateman), getting invited to a party that’s also seemingly a wedding celebration before finally boarding the SS Karnak, where all these deaths will (at some point, we hope) actually begin.
The detective’s movements are eventually explained, but it’s too little, too late, and doesn’t save the film from a plodding first half an hour or so.
Another major issue is the acting. Branagh might have assembled as star-packed a cast as Murder on the Orient Express, which also includes Annette Bening, Rose Leslie, Letitia Wright and Sophie Okonedo alongside the aforementioned, but it’s all just a bit underpowered. It’s almost like the cast showed up for a murder mystery party version of the film and are barely off script, with a few notable exceptions.
Mackey is committed in her spurned lover role, blessed with an expressive eyes and mouth, while Okondeo is all in as a campy, drawling jazz singer (if not entirely convincing).
There are also some fun inclusions with Dawn French and Jennifer Saunders as travelling companions who don’t really need to act, and Russell Brand, who is barely recognisable with short hair and glasses in the role of a mumbling and mild-mannered doctor.
It must be said that Death on the Nile doesn’t handle its sprawling cast well either, with not much meat on the characters’ bones and slightly short shift for performers like Leslie.
Now the elephant in the room: It’s also not ideal to have one of the film’s lead cast members Hammer, who does a passable English accent, embroiled in scandal.
The allegations levelled against him, which he has strongly denied, make the early dance scene rather an uncomfortable watch.
Ultimately, there are a few things here for fans to enjoy – as well as the odd genuinely shocking moment that’s conjured up from under the film’s plodding pacing – but it could have taken a note from its detective subject that precision is key. And enjoyment helps too.
Death on the Nile is released in cinemas on Friday, February 11.
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