When I caught my wife in bed with my mate, I wasn't angry – I was turned on

DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN I caught my wife in bed with my best mate, I was not horrified – in fact, I was totally turned on.

She doesn’t know I saw them, but now I’d like to watch her have sex with other men.


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I’m 43 and she’s 36. We’ve been married for seven years.

I think we were both getting bored of our sex life, although we have never discussed it.

I started to suspect she was playing away a few months ago. She was very secretive with her phone.

My best mate, 42, was behaving strangely too, not wanting to go to footie with me.

One day last week, I came back from work early because a big delivery got cancelled.

I expected to find my wife at her desk in the spare room. But she wasn’t there, and I could hear movement upstairs, then voices and moaning noises.

Confused, I tiptoed up the stairs. Our bedroom door was ajar.

I peered around it to see her naked, romping with a naked man — my best mate.

They were so engrossed in each other that they didn’t notice me standing there.

My first reaction was shock, then anger, then unexpectedly, I felt really horny.

It wasn’t that I wanted to join them. But seeing my wife being brought to orgasm by another man was so exciting.

I stood out of sight, but within earshot, for a few minutes.

I pretended to arrive in the house half an hour later, making a big show of slamming the door and shouting hello.

When they came downstairs, my best mate said he’d been helping her fix the shower.

That night, I made love to my wife, thinking of what I’d seen. It was the best sex in years.

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Now I’d like to see her have sex with other men.

How can I tell her I know she’s cheating but I’m happy for her to carry on — if I can watch?

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DEIDRE SAYS: Your wife’s in-fidelity has unexpectedly awakened something in your sexuality: A type of voyeurism.

It’s not uncommon to get pleasure from seeing someone having sex. My support pack Sexual Fantasies explains more about this.

The problem is your wife may not be happy to perform for you.

And you also don’t know how she feels about your best mate, or your marriage – in other words, why she has been cheating.

Maybe your fantasy is a welcome distraction from dealing with the shock of your wife’s infidelity.

MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE

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My lover promised me he’d leave his wife but now they’re renewing their vows

But she is cheating, and this is something you need to address. Think about what you really want and please talk to her.

My support pack Cheating, Can You Get Over it? should help.

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