I am heading to the Paralympics in Tokyo and I never thought I would be saying that a few years ago.
Five years back, in Rio, I had finishes of fourth, fifth and sixth on the track and then a collision put paid to my marathon medal hopes and it looked like it would be a sad end to my career at the Games.
But I’m a different person now. I moved to Hastings two years ago and thought, ‘Why not try something different?’ and it’s all going well.
It was a fresh start for me and everything seems to have picked up for me since I met my partner Victoria. She just understood me. She gave me belief and I had doubted myself since London 2012.
When you’ve done so well and then lose, you begin to think ‘am I too old’ and ‘should I still be doing this’. It gets to you.
I moved down here and felt like no one knew me — it made me feel free, away from the chaos of London.
I had been in south London for such a long time it was just nice to be out. I’ve always liked peace and quiet and shutting that door to the world.
I had to fight battles with my mental health. I put so much pressure on myself going into the 2015 world championships in Doha and if I didn’t win, it would be the end of the world. I came back with 1500metres silver.
It felt like a massive weight pushing down on me and I didn’t like that anxious feeling. Whereas before, it hadn’t bothered me.
When I went into the 2016 European Championships, I remember going into the call room and feeling like I shouldn’t be there. It was just so strange. But I didn’t get that feeling on the road. Maybe I felt less pressure.
But things have changed, my competitors have come up to me at races and said ‘good to see you back’ and ‘you’re still the best’. I’m just doing it for myself now.
When I went through depression and realised I had to get back into more training, it was my coach Jenny Archer who told me to pick the races I wanted to do.
I carried on doing the London Marathon each year and that gave me the bug for racing again. By 2018, I knew I wanted to carry on competing and had to get better mentally and physically.
I qualified for the Paralympic marathon two years ago and thought about Tokyo from there. Marathons were cancelled due to Covid and I needed to test myself and did that on the track. I needed racing.
I did well and track racing came flooding back for me. Team head coach Paula Dunn kept the door open for selection on the track for me. I only had a problem with one person, never the team, and Paula has always supported me.
Age is just a number for me and I feel a lot calmer at 42, less angry. It was a tough few years but I am a more relaxed person now. If I don’t do well, I don’t do well. I used to dwell on defeats a lot more.
If I’m still competing and finishing in the top three, I must be doing something right. I’ve done everything there is to do in wheelchair racing and the motivation’s still there to compete at the highest level to do well. There are still races I haven’t won and there’s always a gold medal to chase.
How have I managed to carry on so long? Because I’ve had periods of not racing and mentally and physically I’m in the right frame of mind going to Tokyo. You haven’t seen the last of me just yet!
@davidweir2012
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